Click to play the accompaniment … then sing along


[I am the very model of a Very Stable Genius.
I have a mighty button and no problems with my penius.
My time I waste on television, golf and social media
Because my brain is better than the best encyclopedia.]

My team is made of nuts and misfits and they’re all at daggers drawn;
They come and go as fast as any girl in golden shower porn.
The liberal media tells the public tales of how I’m such a boor;
But they’ll salute my ‘statesmanship’ the moment that I start a war.

And now it seems that people want assessments of my mental state,
When psychiatric help should go to those obsessed with ‘Russiagate’.

A vain and pampered con-man with a life that’s all frivolities:
I’m perfect for a failing, violent empire with no qualities.

They say I didn’t really win, and so they want me pilloried;
But you’d be fighting two more wars by now if you’d been Hillaried.
And don’t go telling me another tale of some dead Arab kid:
I’d have my work cut out to kill as many as Obama did.

I don’t read science, economics, ethics or philosophy;
I’ve never studied politics; the Constitution bothers me.
It’s said that I’m just stupid and it makes me ineffectual;
But next to Bush and Reagan I’m a goddammed intellectual.

My business life is full of fraud and lies and endless bankruptcy;
Though how this doesn’t suit a President, they won’t explain to me.
A narcissistic bully with a billionaire’s priorities:
I’m perfect for a failing, violent empire with no qualities.

[My sincere thanks and acknowledgements to ‘Bob @huntthesnark’ who wrote the first four lines — which I glimpsed online and then couldn’t un-remember. The rest is by me — and if it isn’t worth a quid of anyone’s money, I don’t know what is…!]